


On The Line

by CaptainDani



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Confusion, Other, Out of Character Voldemort, Phone Calls & Telephones, Sexual Humor, Tony Stark can't help himself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-12
Updated: 2016-11-12
Packaged: 2018-08-30 12:47:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8533660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainDani/pseuds/CaptainDani
Summary: Voldemort works at a call centre and has the pleasure of interacting with one Mr. Tony Stark.“Happy Murder Day, Mr. Voldemort speaking and ready to avada kedavra at your service”





	

“Happy Murder Day, Mr. Voldemort speaking and ready to avada kedavra at your service” the wizard drawls, twirling his wand around his bony slender fingers. It’s 2016 and he doesn’t know what has become of him. Apart from sitting at a desk all day, barely able to answer the phone (goddamn technology) – his talent, the nefarious plotting that he once had done was now, gone. In the past. Nothing more than a distant memory. He was wasting away, his ability being manipulated, kidnapped for corporate greed. Voldemort couldn’t do anything about it either, not when Loki had hijacked him, moulding him into his perfect little pet. 

“Hello pop tart” the voice on the other end whispers seductively, which makes Voldemort frown as he blanches even though he cannot go any paler. It is impossible. 

“How can I be of service?” he asks, remembering the lines that were vital for answering the phones and getting customers. He hears laughter at the other end, which makes his palms begin to get sweaty. 

“I am so glad that you asked that sugar”

“You do realise that I am…a person, not a food” 

“But I just want to eat you all up” 

Was he allowed to hang up? He looks around the office, holding the phone away like it was contaminated from his ear, somebody? Help? He grimaced as he put it back on his ear, almost hearing the pout from the other end. 

“Did I scare you away kitty?”

Voldemort gulps, eyes widening as he is trying to breathe and not choke. Maybe that would be desirable. “Who is this?” 

“God” 

“Liar” 

“You caught me out. You should come over and punish me” the man slowly says, smacking his lips together at the end.  
If Voldemort could scream, he would be and he didn’t understand why he hadn’t hung up yet. Why he was still listening and…

“Mr. Voldemort?” the man sings out, “Are you thereeeee?” 

He could hang up, he could do it now. He could, he –

“Yes” he whispers. 

“I’m Tony. Tony Stark. You know where I live right?” 

Voldemort blinks…the tower, Stark Tower. “…Yes” 

“Excellent. Dinner is at 7pm. I shall await your presence”

Tony hangs up and Voldemort is left staring at the phone in disbelief, wondering what on Earth just happened and what was he going to do. He wasn’t seriously considering going…no…no way. 

Maybe. 

Oh, God. 

No.

Yes.

Oh, fuck.

Voldemort grabbed out his diary, scribbling in dinner at 7 with Mr Stark.


End file.
